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[12 Jan 2009|05:31pm] |
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I got two strong arms blessings of babylon
with time to carry on and try
for sins and false alarms
so to america the brave
wise men save
near a tree by a river
there's a hole in the ground
where an old man of Aran
goes around and around
and his mind is a beacon
in the veil of the night
for a strange kind of fashion
there's a wrong and a right
near a tree by a river
there's a hole in the ground
where an old man of aran
goes around and around
and his mind is a beacon
in the veil of the night
for a strange kind of fashion
there's a wrong and a right
but he'll never, never fight over you
near a tree by a river
there's a hole in the ground
where an old man of aran
goes around and around
and his mind is a beacon
in the veil of the night
for a strange kind of fashion
there's a wrong and a right
near a tree by a river
there's a hole in the ground
where an old man of aran
goes around and around
and his mind is a beacon
in the veil of the night
for a strange kind of fashion
there's a wrong and a right
but he'll never, never fight over you
i got plans for us
nights in the scullery
and days instead of me
i only know what to discuss
of for anything but light
wise men fighting over you
it's not me you see
pieces of valentine
with just a song of mine
to keep from burning history
seasons of gasoline and gold
wise men fold
near a tree by a river
there's a hole in the ground
where an old man of aran
goes around and around
and his mind is a beacon
in the veil of the night
for a strange kind of fashion
there's a wrong and a right
but he'll never, never fight over you
i got time to kill
sly looks in corridors
without a plan of yours
a blackbird sings on bluebird hill
thanks to the calling of the wild
wise mens child.
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[22 Aug 2008|12:32am] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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today was spent obsessivley emailing Rob trying to figure out when the fuck he's getting off ship because of this ridiculous tropical storm blowing through here, and i'm mentally exhausted, and i can't begin to describe how much i CRAVE his existance. apparently from my knowledge they are on their way headed back towards base, which doesn't generally mean he'll be home tomorrow, but it means that he will be in cell range until he is which is definitely more than a little stress reducing. i miss that kid so much, it's been two weeks and i am going insane. it's not the deployment, i can handle that. it's not knowing when i will see him next is driving me mad. fuck hurrican season in Florida. this storm has been annoying as shit, lingering around and making driving almost suicidal. Adam and i ventured to the store earlier today for peanut butter and cigarettes, which is now almost the only means of intake i have in this apartment.
on a lighter note, i am feeling positive that he will be home either late late tomorrow or Saturday. which is tolerable because i will chat with him via phone and actually be able to hear his voice. i hate liking my boyfriend sometimes. oh, my mom has moved on to calling him my fiance, which is generally a little disturbing.
anyyyyyways, i just recieved news that my beloved rat danzig passed about a month ago, which is not too long after i left. depression related death? mayhaps. rest in peace girl, you'll be missed. my new rat Toki is nothing compared to her. as much as i love putting force oodles of weirdo rodent love forth, it's just not the same when you have a twitchy biting rodent on the receiving end. i still like him, even though everytime he knows hes going back in the cage he pretty much screams.
right now, i am going to smoke some cigarettes and try to relax into a somewhat sleepy coma and watch Sex and the City. unfortunately i have grown to like this show. shut up.
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[17 Aug 2008|04:12pm] |
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mood |
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so, the move was successful. and yes, i now have internet at the apartment and a nice new laptop so i can get my shit together. Robs been on the ship since Monday, and comes back Tuesday which is only a day and a half away which excites me muchly. i now spend my days talking to my now diagnosed crazy mother, and getting shit together around here aka: grocery shopping a lot because me and Rob always seem to forget something we need at the store, cleaning, sketching, writing, reading, and biking. i am enjoying the time i get to be with him a lot, and i love living with him. i don't much like our roomate, and i feel bad because he has been friends with Rob longer than i, and i feel as if i have sort of come between them. Robby insists that it' s not me, it's just we're all growing up and for a 24 year old, he is stuck in some sort of rut. he was mooching off Rob living here rent free for five months, and just recently this past week got a job at.. dun dun dun.. Whattaburger. barely a step above Mcdonalds, and i shall say its not even a step.. but this kid is so proud he has a job while he sits there and wastes a computer degree he has, and invites people over when Rob isn't around to smoke pot. i grew out of that phase quickly, even though Rob allows me to do so now because he likes when i talk about weird things and get giggly and touchy. and apparently, out of my own good will i have given it up. i feel like even i am too old for that shit and i just want to move on with my life. he spends his time telling everyone how he does nothing at work allll day and then he sleeps the day away and watches cartoons and reads comic books. tequila on the other hand is another story, that is my second love. i feel like their friendship is on the rocks, but i feel slightly at fault even if i shouldn't. he is asleep as we speak, and he has today off. i usually bring him to and from work because i usually have nothing going on unless Rob is around which completely changes my lifestyle alltogether. it's like i have two different lives, and i like it that way. i do not enjoy his deployments, but i do enjoy when we are reunited and we go crazy and do a million different things in a day. our favorite recently has become the hookah bar, which has a great atmosphere and we go there on dates atleast once a week.
things with my mom are ridiculously good, and we talk almost every day. according to her, she had a mental breakdown and now completely understands me and where i was coming from all along.. she's definitely different, and is talking about starting a business with me and that is half the reason i have this laptop. i know i can make some good cash if i send her some stuff i make, and thats pretty exciting. i would like to get a civillian job on base soon though, to keep myself more occupied during the times Rob isn't around. because when he's on a normal work schedule, leave at 6 come home at 2-4, the place is always a mess around here so i have plenty to do until he gets here. i have tried to get a job a few times and have turned in numerous applications, but unfortunately minorities rule down here and i am SOL.
oh, i shaved half my head and now have a mowhawk. when Lindsay first came down here her and Rob convinced me to do so, and i have no regrets. i had too much hair for florida heat. i still have length and refuse to believe i resemble a lesbian in the least.
i have nothing more to say as of now and probably will later in the week.
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[26 Jun 2008|10:42pm] |
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mood |
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I finally got the beginning of my sleeve started!!!!!!! yays! and my labret peirced. yayyyyys
Reflections of late:
1. I don't have many true friends anymore. I feel like I always say this, but it's never been more true. People are changing, so much.. Or maybe I am just too nitpicky lately with the people I would prefer to associate with. Yheres a couple that keep coming and going, and it's very irritating to say the least. I just don't understand why I try with some people, because they just make me feel uncomfortable, anyways.
2. I have never been more romantically satisfied. I haven't really chatted with the dear for the past two weeks seeing is he is on a boat in the ocean, but whenever he got service he would call me for quick spurts of cuteness. Oh theres been many an email, but that's just not the same. Gotta be honest- you'd think there'd be an urge to run off with someone else? Not in the slightest. I even denied chick action because I felt like I was betraying him.
3. Most people are just awful. Enough said.
4. High school always seemed so much more.. fascinating when I was young. Being done with such, I'm looking at all these kids and just eh.. I'm ready to get out of there. I've been told by some that I'll miss it, but the person I trust most in the entire universe told me it was alright when he was there, but he'd never want to go back.
5. I don't trust. I won't trust. I can't trust.
6. I am so ridiculously excited to move in (9 days!!!!!) but that also probably means basically am done with this journal, unless Robby's got internet and such set up, or will be getting it. butttttt this means getting away from many people I want to get away from, new opportunities galore, new job, new faces, getting tan, going to the beach, and my personal favorite.. being around someone better than everyone else.
7. My dad thinks Robs horrible. He thinks he is just corrupting me to make a move that I am not properly prepared for, and that he just wants me there to have someone, not for me myself. COOL!
8. One particular person is driving me a wee bit insane lately. hm
9. Crunches are your friend. Weights are your friends. The two have been some of my real good friends lately. I have lovely guns to prove such.
10. Body image? sucks still, hahahahah
11. Bathing suits at Super Wal Mart are superior over most stores.
12. Whoever says body modifications aren't addicting is totally full of fucking shit. As of now, double nostrils, septum, labret. Unfortunately I took out the clavicles because the piercings themselves were beginning to turn a weird purple color and I almost tore the left one out while lifting.
13. Love feels good. It plays a very large role in my mental stability, and I've been doing pretty damn well lately if I may say so.
14. Rob's family isn't as horrifying as they come off as. I hung out with his momzy and siblings yesterday and I have to admit I had a really good time.
Things are strange. I don't really know if I am ridiculously happy, or what. I've definitely never felt this way and a lot of things are clearly way better than ever.. but theres still something that makes me get in that MOOD. that one mood where just nothings right.. I have made it a new life goal to find out this demon mood, stomp it and obliterate it from existence entirely.
I need to end this, because theres an enormous fly buzzing around my head and I just can't tolerate it anymore. Maybe I will write before I leave for FLORIDA<3
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[20 May 2008|08:57pm] |
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mood |
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i
can't
fucking
stand
this
place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
two fucking months too long. uuuuuuughhhhhhh.
i've been drinking a little on the much side, and having real good weekends.
this weekend so far was real great. i just really am glad i got a job and work daily, so that i don't have to really be around this fucking awkwardness TOO much. the 1/2 hour to an hour i spend around my parents a day really is quite enough. they're just such uncomfortable human beings, i really don't understand. i miss Rob a ridiculous amount, and it looks like i really won't be seeing him until July. I was going to pop on down there for his birthday in late June, but it turns out hes going on deployment from the 16th, to the 30th. fuck.
this job isn't going to last two months unfortunately, and i need to find another one now so that i'll have a place to work when my temp position is done. i am making decent money, but classes conflict with how much i work constantly. i get there as soon as i can EVERY day, but i still feel like i'm not making enough or working enough. it sucks.. i need another job and am trying as of now to get one.
i am done with this.
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[10 Feb 2008|10:38am] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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life is shit. my boyfriends not.
i am satisfied, i guess.
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[28 Dec 2007|08:53pm] |
my hair is an obnoxious raspberry-esque color and it is fabulous.
not only that, but i've got the boyfriend i've wanted for over 4 years. go me. he makes me completely satisfied and makes me motivated to grow the fuck up and peace out of new york!
spending last week with ashley and rob made me feel awesome.. watching metalocalypse obsessivley, talking like we're swedish middle aged metal heads, holding hour long conversations about what weird things we can replace in songs, beer, more beer, smelling like beer all the time, screaming "METAL" as much as possible, throwing things out of moving vehicles, balloon wars, hair dying, drugs, little meaningless crushes, being in a serious relationship FINALLY.....
even if the circumstances were a little weird with my dad. i don't care anymore, i am just going to act nice all of the time to them to make it easier on them when i make the move.
yano, things aren't as bad as you'd think.
but in a way, they are. i just don't know.
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[16 Oct 2007|08:26pm] |
i'm making so many stupid decisions and so many mistakes lately that my head is spinning.
why am i doing this? why am i putting myself into these situations? why is it that if one good thing happens, eight thousand bad come to follow?
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[09 Oct 2007|06:25pm] |
me and dan broke up. i'm alright, he can't put forth what i need right now and i can understand.
i liked him a lot, but i think i'm going to be okay in the long run.
for the first time i'm handling a breakup like i'm supposed to. hah.
i wonder where this road will take me.
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[13 Mar 2007|09:42pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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I'm having a extremely hard time coping with everything lately.
I'm scared that I'm spiraling out of control.
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[16 Nov 2006|03:02am] |
I am so worried.
I feel so weird.
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| friends only |
[11 Aug 2006|10:14pm] |
FRIENDS ONLY;
comment if you want to be added, and let me know how you know me if it isn't obvious.
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[11 Aug 2006|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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Here's to new beginnings.
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